Four Months of Trust: What NICU Staff Said That Made All the Difference

I am the proud NICU mom of three NICU graduates. I have twins that were born three days apart, 25 weeks and 25 weeks plus three, and I also have a 36-weeker and three days. So, I kind of have the spectrum of preemies – a very micro to the late term preemie.  

With my twins was my true introduction to the NICU; we spent about four months there. I'd love to share a few things on what really resonated with us and some things that I think can really improve a family's experience while they're in the NICU. 

Words matter.  

The words that are used in the NICU help establish trust or help establish distrust, especially during those early days. Some things that were said to us to help establish trust were things like, “Don't think of the babies having a setback, but think of it as they're getting what they need in this moment to thrive.” We also were often asked if we had questions, if we needed things explained, and if we agreed or disagreed with a care plan. We were included from day one in their care, and that made a significant difference to establish that trust for us.

“How can we support you?”

Some things that also can impact – maybe it comes off as a joke – but for a NICU parent going through trauma I know I had this. You feel like a failure. Hearing things like, “Oh, the baby's misbehaving,” really makes a negative impact on the parent because it's like yet another thing I'm failing. My kid's misbehaving – which is such a silly way to think of it –but you're dealing with people that aren't necessarily in their best state of mind and best place. And so those words, really focusing on, “How can we support you?” and that they care really matters.

“This is safe.”

While in the NICU, I also heard, “This is safe.” For example, during skin-to-skin, very early on in our days, the words that were used were, “This is safe for the baby.” Everything feels unsafe in the NICU, so if you're reiterating that word verbally, it can really help parents. And then finally, the prioritization of the family in the care for the babies. These preemies are going to be preemies after they leave the NICU. Babies that have medical needs are going to have medical needs after they leave the NICU. Involving the family not only improves their clinical outcomes and the family's bonding, but it also starts that base of parents learning how to advocate for their children, being a part of their care, and feeling like parents – not just visitors – to the NICU.